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Try the “Oneness Hold” Intimacy Experience

image044People don’t get married to be celibate! In fact, coming together as “one flesh” (emotionally, spiritually and then physically) is hopefully the foundation of your marriage, or will be the foundation of your future marriage.

Why? Because both of you complete the image of God as masculine and feminine souls when you become “one flesh.”

This “oneness” is also a glorious picture of the intimate relationship between Christ and His Church.

For those reasons, there’s likely to be a huge assault by the enemy over your individual sexuality (if he hasn’t already), and your marital lovemaking.

Don’t let him create strongholds in your current or future sexual intimacy or marriage. Guard your intimate time together as if your marriage depended on it. Here’s one way to connect at a deeper level creating the kind of “oneness” that is celebrated in Scripture.

Sexual Therapy Intimacy Experience

Oneness Hold (5 minutes)

Over the next week complete the Oneness Hold three different times, and after completing it, select 1 to 3 questions to discuss. Record the date along with the questions you’ve chosen to discuss.

We did this exercise on _____/_____/_____ and talked about questions #___, ___ and ___.

We did this exercise on _____/_____/_____ and talked about questions #___, ___ and ___.

We did this exercise on _____/_____/_____ and talked about questions #___, ___ and ___.

Step 1: Together, read over this Intimacy Experience before starting.

Step 2: The purpose of this experience is to:

  • learn how it feels to be totally present in the moment with your spouse/fiancé ,
  • to become “one” with your spouse/fiancé, emotionally, spiritually and physically
  • learn to communicate your love through your eyes, soul and spirit to your spouse/fiance.

Step 3: One spouse or fiancé will take responsibility to initiate this experience and set the atmosphere. Choose a location in which the wife/fiancée can lie over his lap, facing him (like he is cradling a baby, stomach to stomach). Your faces should be about 12 inches from each other. You should also have an arm rest so the husband/fiancée can hold her. Experiment with a pillow for comfortableness and access. If you are able, we suggest some other place than the bedroom. You should be fully dressed and comfortably positioned and both able to relax, with no distractions. Set a timer for one to three minutes.

Step 4: Lie in the position described above and close your eyes and silently pray and center yourself so that you will be able to connect with the Lord and your spouse/fiancé. When you have the sense that you are relaxed and ready to connect open your eyes and gaze into your spouse’s/fiancé’s eyes. If you open your eyes first, that’s okay just wait until he or she joins you. Allow the Lord’s love to move towards your spouse/fiancé through your eyes and your embrace and receive your spouse’s love back. Pray silently for your spouse/fiancé as you do this oneness hold. Start with one minute and work toward three minutes.

Step 5: After you finish take a break and discuss this experience, using this format:

  • She will share with him what she enjoyed the most, and what was difficult.
  • He will listen without thinking about how he is going to respond, but will be as present as can be for her while you’re sharing. What is she trying to convey to you? Confirm, clarify, and expand in your own words what your she is saying and refrain from judging her communication.
  • When both are clear the message has been communicated and received accurately, reverse communication roles and the he will communicate what he enjoyed the most and what was difficult, while she reflects what she is hearing.
  • Write your reactions below or in your journal.

You can do this exercise daily and try new ways of doing it. We say if you can’t do this with your clothes on, you certainly can’t do it with your clothes off. One of the most romantic and connecting things you can do during lovemaking is to pleasure your spouse while gazing at one another with loving eyes. You are conveying your desire to be present and your love for them. They say the eyes are the windows of the soul. That’s why this type of connection is so essential during lovemaking. If you are married, you may want to try doing it with fewer and fewer clothes on and add caresses of a particular body part while looking into each your spouse’s eyes.

IF YOU LIKED DOING THIS INTIMACY EXPERIENCE AND WANT TO DO MORE THAN THINK ABOUT PURCHASING THE “DIVINE DESIRE” PROTOCOL

Questions to Discuss with your Spouse (Engaged Questions follow)

The wife will select between one to three questions below after each Oneness Hold and the husband will facilitate the discussion. Take your time contemplating on the questions below and allow the Lord to go to deeper places in you. Pray together before you begin. Discuss no more than 3 questions per session so you can take your time with them.

  1. In what ways has our Western culture and the media impacted your view of sexuality?
  2. Because of our culture what faulty expectations do you bring to the marital bed?
  3. In what areas are you most easily tempted by our culture’s presentation of sexuality?
  4. What messages about your sexuality have you received from your family and religious upbringing?
  5. How comfortable are you with God being present as you make love to your spouse? Why?
  6. Are there any ways you may be dishonoring God with your sexuality?
  7. Ask your spouse if you are present spiritually, emotionally and physically when you make love? What is causing this and in what ways could you move towards being more present?
  8. Ask your spouse if there are ways to change the spirit of your current lovemaking to be more honoring to God, them and yourself?
  9. Ask your spouse how you could make them feel better about their body and sexuality?
  10. How does the thought that God created your erogenous zones and your capacity to orgasm change the way you feel about them?
  11. Ask your spouse if there are ways you could display the image of God more effectively through your masculinity and femininity as you make love?
  12. Ask your spouse what is the number one masculine or feminine issue in your marriage right now? Pray about it and then tell them how the Lord wants you to respond in taking action to their concern?

Scriptures to read together – we prefer one of your readings to be in The Message version and another reading to be in the New American Standard Bible version:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20, 1 Thess. 4:1-8, Hebrews 13:4, Prov. 5:1-23, 1 Cor. 7:3-5, Eph. 5: 31-32, the whole book of Song of Solomon

 

Questions to Discuss with your Future Spouse

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Take your time contemplating on the questions below and allow the Lord to go to deeper places in you. Pray together before you begin. Discuss no more than 3 questions per session so you can take your time with them. She will select between one to three questions below after each Oneness Hold and he will facilitate the discussion.

  1. In what ways has our Western culture and the media impacted your view of sexuality?
  2. Because of our culture and living in a highly sexualized society what faulty expectations will you bring to our marriage bed?
  3. In what areas are you most easily tempted by our culture’s presentation of sexuality?
  4. What messages about your sexuality have you received from your family and the church?
  5. How comfortable are you when you think about God being present when you make love after we’re married? Why or why not?
  6. Are there any ways you have or still may be dishonoring the Lord with your sexuality?
  7. Ask your fiancé/fiancée if you are present spiritually, emotionally and physically when you are intimately talking or being affectionate? In what ways could you be more present?
  8. Ask your fiancé/fiancée how you could make them feel better about their body and their masculinity or femininity?
  9. How does the thought that God created your erogenous zones and your capacity to orgasm change the way you feel about them?
  10. Ask your fiancé/fiancée if there are ways you could display the image of God more effectively through your masculinity and femininity?
  11. Ask your fiancé/fiancée what is the number one masculine or feminine issue in your relationship right now? Pray about it and then tell them how the Lord wants you to respond in taking action to their concern?

Scriptures to read together before marriage – we prefer one of your readings to be in The Message and another reading to be in the New American Standard Bible:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20, 1 Thess. 4:1-8, Hebrews 13:4, Prov. 5:1-23, 1 Cor. 7:3-5, Eph. 5: 31-32, the whole book of Song of Solomon

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